Afterwards

Last week on Wednesday we attended a celebration of the life of Kate who'd died the previous week. Kate has had a positive influence on many so all of my immediate family me, my wife, our son and daughter had to be present in respect of and with love for Kate and Mark her husband.

As these things go it was a "nice" event with several very moving tributes from Mark and Kate's closest friends and family members. 

A pleasant and restrained short social gathering followed: drinks and finger foods unwinding the emotional knots that that had been building, at least for me from the moment I realised that the person I'd loved and respected had gone several days or even weeks earlier.

There's never an easy way to cope with death, particularly when it involves a person you know personally. Anonymous death, people you don't know, have never met, is far easier with which to cope. In fact that type of death becomes aural haze in the general ether. 

There are exceptions though: those you've never met in the flesh but you "know", sometimes well, over years, decades through constant exposure. These people, who come from (for me) areas such as radio/TV, actors, singers, performers, authors etc., have caused the lump in the throat and tears on many occasions. I'd almost grown up watching an English comedy double-act, (Eric) Morecambe and (Ernie) Wise on TV. For people like me, thousands in fact, had the same regard for these two blokes. They were familiar faces. So familiar in fact they became quasi-family for many. So when Eric died it was an emotional hit. Similarly for me former cricketer, cricket broadcaster and journo Peter Roebuck's sudden and tragic death in South Africawhile covering an Australian tour some years ago really hit me in the guts. I did burst into tears on hearing the news. Why? I can't explain. I'd liked him as a player and radio journalist but I'd never been closer than about 500Km of him.

It's odd how death affects you.

When Terry Pratchett died, even after the long, well publicised diagnosis of a form of cerebral degeneration, on hearing of his death I cried. While he'd been my favourite author for years, the closest I'd come to him was a dedication written by Terry in one of his books bought for me by a close friend Margarita. The fact that at the time Margarita gave me the book I was in a fragile state, recovering from major surgery may have made a closer tie to author (and gift giver). I don't really know but syspect that happens for everyone.

Release of emotions is a positive and essential reaction providing a relieving catharthis and these little emotional out-breaks assist in our recovery or at least help in coping with the death of the person to which you're attached.

2020 - an arse of a year

This year doesn't improve.

We lost another close and much loved friend yesterday afternoon after a short but devastatingly tragic illness. Viral encephalitis caused by the Herpes simplex virus.

Of all the things this year has done to many of us including the passing of Roger in late May this death was the !ore shocking given the rapidity of progression.

I was exchanging messages with Kate only three weeks ago immediately prior to her becoming sick.

She was a work colleague of my wife for several years. Well known and highly regarded in both the local region's ITC community, her presence stretched both on national and international stages. A big girl, 6 feet tall with matching personality and presence. Warm loving, caring, welcoming and lovable. Loud, opinated with low tolerance for stupidity. Humourous, friendly, open Kate was somewhat beautifully counter-balanced by her partner Mark, a physically big bearded bloke. Eloquent and warm. They made a wonderful couple. Our kids had another honourary aunt and uncle they loved as we loved them. Many of us have baby-sat their house and resident animal many times over many years.

Kate's passing leaves a huge empty space for us all.

Day to day

The last couple of days have been life's usual mixture of good, middling and less good. Fortunately with little of the latter.

Saturday was a cold damp day: showers regular although never heavy but making washing clothes just about pointless.

As an aside thought - my pre-retirement schedule is obviously deeply engrained with laundry work starting on Friday.

.An insurance assessor came around after lunch to look over the obvious damage caused by last week's much heavier rain and subsequent roof leak. Since some "make safe" repairs to the roof done earlier in the week, and of course less stormy weather, there had been no more ingress of water. The assessor took some video and still pictures of the bedroom; did some measurements and what seemed a thorough external roof inspection.

Sunday was a busy day with the twins 1st birthday family gathering starting around 10:30. 

Despite the celebrations being restricted to immediate family it was the still the largest congregation we'd been in since Roger's wake, with a total 20 people, adults, teens, toddlers and two babies. It sounded and seemed hectic after weeks of minimal socialising. 

We get accustomed to the frequently changing new normal very quickly

Ups and downs

It's now mid-August and 2020 continues to be challenging for various reasons, some with only tenuousnor indirect links to me.

A couple of deaths following the death of our frien Roger in late May: the father of a close friend died, not totally unexpectedly; he was 90-ish, frail and with dementia but it occurred relatively quickly following a fall meaning our friend had to get herself to north Queensland as fast as she could. Fortunately she got home in time to say her goodbyes and her dad went oeacefully. 

On the same day the mother of a friend and former colleague of my wife died after a long illness. Accidents and emergencies also seem to come along unexpectedly: another former work colleague of my wife suffered a burst cerebral aneurysm and her initial prognosis sounded dire but a few days later after some trepanning and rummaging the patient emailed my wife and apologises for stuffing up the dinner she was due to attend with my wife and a mutual friend. At the time of writing the patient is home recovering with multiple staple marks on her head!

Then two nights ago I got a message from a firmer work colleague and cricket team mate +we last played together about 40 years ago) with the distressing news that a mutual team mate & colleague had fallen from a ladder on to his garage floor and is currently in hospital under sedation and paralysed from the neck down. At this early stage, after some surgery last week, the prognosis is looking very ordinary. In addition, under the current CoViD-19 environment, the patient has a respiratory infection.

Fortunately these sad events are counterbalanced by happy occasions such as spending time with friends and family. 

Last night while I was having dinner with some of "The Boys" former work colleagues at our favourite Thai restaurant my wife had dinner with friends and neighbours at our local little eatery.

Tomorrow ís the 1st birthday of our twin grandsons. We'll join son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter with a family get-together. Currently the pandemic restrictions have been sufficiently relaxed to allow this to happen.

Life goes on and we all look forward to joyous occasions like this.

Celebration

On Wednesday last week we went to the wake arranged to celebrate the life and shared experiences of Roger, our friend, who had died on 23 May due to prostate cancer.

The wake took place at the popular Gryphons caffe bar in Griffith ACT, appropriately on what would have been Roger's 71st birthday.

It's a place we've been to as a family as well as in the company of friends including Roger. It's a place we all liked.

About 20 of Roger's friends attended the informal occasion. Most were former work colleagues from the Therapeutic Goods Administration (TGA); some were from the local model railway enthusiasts club; some were social friends; Roger's former wife, a couple of spouses of former work mates and the son of Trish, the special person, former TGA colleague who opened her house to Roger when he relocated from Karuah for medical treatment. Trish unfortunately was unwell and could not attend. Most friends were locals but one couple travelled from Albury in norder to attend.

Appropriately given the current CoVID-19 practices some of Roger's UK family including his older twin siblings, Peter and Therese were able to follow most of the proceedings by laptop.

For a couple of hours we met new people, renewed acquaintance with former work-mates, drank, chatted, ate some nice finger foods and shared our memories of Roger. Aaron who worked closely with Roger and who supported Roger in multiple ways through Roger's illness, spoke about Roger and some shared experiences, some of which I also shared: watching real football, playing Pitch & Putt golf. One or two others also shared their experiences of Roger. Most of us learned something about our quiet, dry-wit friend. Mostly there were far more laughs than tears but I admit that Aaron's speech caused me a couple of deeper breaths and lump-in-throat swallows. I didn't think I could have said anything coherently. Stewart, Trish's son and major organiser of the event, lead a chorus of "Happy Birthday" with cheers then there were some more short reminisces about Roger.

A moving but definitely not negative event that Roger would have enjoyed even if he wouldn't have admitted to enjoying. That sort of sums up the bloke I knew and liked. Quietly humorous, a dry cynicism, more knowledgeable about lots of things than we ever realised. Paraphrasing Terry Pratchett, an author we both liked, never admit to being clever while letting others think they are more clever than you.. 

A mate we all will miss